I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
