Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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