If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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