Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
