I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
