So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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