I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
