it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
