the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Who died my cat blue again?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
