I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
