He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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