There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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