the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
