have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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