That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
