remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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