if only i could text you this smell
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
