I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
