you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
