I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
