shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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