just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
