Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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