you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
