hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Sober January is a disaster.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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