i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize