OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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