I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
