apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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