Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
