just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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