Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
