Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
im calling her cock vulture from now on
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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