Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
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