she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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