he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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