We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
