There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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