im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
