I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We have started to decorate penises.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
