How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
