Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
