All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Randomize
