You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
