I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize