she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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