I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
