i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
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