Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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