He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
