i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
