Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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