just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
