god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
