how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
