remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
