Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize