did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
