They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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