He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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