So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize