I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
