Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just want to make out with him forever
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
