My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
