There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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