Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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