you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
