I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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