i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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