I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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