Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
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